Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

Taking Responsibility

On Sunday morning, Dave and I lay in bed and watched a show from the two doctors who wrote You, The Owner's Manual. They helped some lady lose 20 pounds in 6 weeks. It wasn't anything drastic either - just walking every day, eating healthier, and some weight-lifting.

The biggest point the doctors made was that people do all this damage to themselves. Towards the end of the hour, when the woman had lost all that weight and changed her bad habits, Dr. Oz took her to the autopsy room and showed her the healthy and unhealthy organs. Just like he does on Oprah. That part was kinda funny because the woman kept gagging and didn't want to touch anything. I would've touched it all! I would've wanted to actually take off the latex gloves and touch the stuff.

Anyway, the Dr. was showing how the bad habits damage the organs. They also showed a live bypass surgery and at one point he gently poked a lung, showing the threads of tar in the pack-and-a-half-a-day smoker. He also showed the huge fatty layer around the patient's heart. I wonder why they don't cut that fat away?

We missed the first 15 minutes and only caught a glimpse of the house ambush where they put all the junk food on the table and then haul it away. The woman was a soda junkie and even at the end, she was still quaffing 3 a day (although she changed to diet).

I can't seem to get off my ass and exercise. It's so depressing because even the tiniest bit and I'm huffing and out of breath. Even just going from the basement to the bedrooms - that little 2 flights of stairs gets me winded. That actually scares me a bit. I should be able to go 2 flights without needing an oxygen tank.

It's like those stupid, cliche Nike commercials - Just Do It. I have to take responsibility and get moving. We have a Wii fit inside and outisde we have an excellent trail near us and there's no excuse (no matter what the weather) for me to not be moving more.

(BTW, after watching that show, we went downstairs and had doughnuts for breakfast. sigh)

Saturday, January 17, 2009

...and thats when the fight started!

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started..

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream

And then the fight started....

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

And then the fight started.....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? " It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

Saturday, January 10, 2009


My addiction is Cane. That sweet, sweet white powder. I like it in it's pure form, in powder form, the strong brown stuff, but mostly I like it cooked into cake.


It's been my downfall most of my life. Maybe because I didn't get much as a kid but once I was on my own, it was all sugar all the time. Cocoa Puffs are my favorite cereal. When we go out to eat, I'd rather have dessert instead of an appetizer.

Dave's mom's place (where he can get his soda fix) is a landmine of cookie jars, candy dishes and bags of food that come home with us filled with grenades in the form of 2lb. bags of M&M's. She tells us we don't have to eat it and we could have some self-control but it hardly seems fair! She does it out of love and we don't fault her for our weight.

I had little stashes here and there in our house. Not that I care if Dave knows I eat this junk but I don't want the kids to have the same bad habits so I mostly I hid it from them. I've pretty much cleared these hidey holes out and what I have left, I leave untouched. I'm saving it in case of an emergency - hurricanes and such.


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Soda Addict

Mmmmm, soda. Why is it so tasty and addictive? I am one of those men who doesn't think that beer is that great. Kind of like JD on "Scrubs", I would pass on a beer in favor of a Dr. Pepper or Coke. (appletini in JD's case). At a bar, I usually order a Dos Equis or Killians or maybe even a Coors Light because mixed drinks, though preferred by me, tend to go down in a few minutes. College memories of Long Island Iced Teas, good times........good times. I don't order straight soda in a bar because they give you all ice and charge you ridiculous prices. I refuse to pay $2 for .03 cents worth of product. I would rather buy a mixed drink and pay $4.75 for 11 cents of product. Go figure. Anyway, soda is my biggest addiction, besides my lovely wife, of course! I have resolved to not buy soda in 2009. I will get my fix off leftover 2008 soda and anything that I drink outside of the house. My mom is always good for a hit during Sunday dinners.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Ready, set, lose weight!!!

We started this blog in an attempt to keep tabs on our weight, mostly to watch ourselves lose weight and keep track of our progress, or fail miserably for the whole web to see if they chose to. We weighed ourselves this morning and we have a lot of work to do!!!

Can't wait to see how this experiment plays out....